Dry Jokes Of The Day

This one gave me a good chuckle this morning. Though it is a bit on the dry humor side, I know that some of you will definitely be able to relate to it. I hope it lights up your day :)

A girl was having a conversation with her boyfriend.

She: "What do you like most about me? My body or my natural beauty?"

He: "Your sense of humor."

Ha, ha. Okay, so it's actually not so funny now that I think about it. The next one's pretty witty, though. Women, I once again suggest that you look away for this one.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Buahahahah! I laughed like hell when I read that last bit, man! What? Not funny meh? Damn you.

If you're a man and you seriously don't laugh at the next one, then you can damn well be de-classified as a human already.

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"

Then she heard a voice from far, far away:

"Hello! We're down here..."

Have a nice day :)

The Beautiful Game

Football Fanaticism Explained.

No, no - don't minimize that window just yet, buddy.

And if you're the opposite gender to the norm, don't close the window just yet, babe.

Hear me out. This is worth it.

Ego Turtle is about to unravel the myths of fanaticism in football and whether you're one of those lacking-testosterone-lame-uber-i'm-one-level-higher-kinda-guys who thinks the "beautiful game" is "boring" and is unworthy of their attentions or just another female who rolls her eyes come Saturday nights or when your boyfriend phases out and goes ultimo-footie-mode and totally ignores you for the dead - I'll explain the term later - then this is the article for you!

Football Fanaticism

Definition: a feeling or emotion of being overloaded with exorbitant, undiscriminated zeal, unreasonable-ness during 'match-days' and a total lack of regard for anything else in that period of time, particularly for an extreme footballing/sporting cause.

Sypnosis

So I was at a my '2nd most lucky' coffee shop (don't ask - long story) last Sunday watching the Chelsea-Man Utd spectacle with a couple of football crazy friends.

For the benefit of detail and proven amicability and harmony (in neutral situations, at least, meaning when none of our teams are facing each other) between those who unite for the power of football - among us were dreaded Newcastle supporters, AC Milan fanatics and Liverpool enthuthiasts, which kinda says a lot for the level of support that football has in this country since I can confirm that not a one Italian or Englishman or anything remotely foreign was present at Lo Yao.

Yours truly, of course - as has been well documented in a few of his footie-related posts - is quite possibly the greatest United fan the world has ever seen.

Now, first things first, you're probably thinking - 'you're calling me lame and boring when you're out watching 22 sweaty guys kicking a ball around on a Saturday night at a coffee shop?!'

Or, 'Dude, seriously. Get a life. A girl. A guy. Anything. Whatever tickles your fancy. "

I see your thoughts and I, on behalf of the football-mad nation, hurl it right back at ya with this:

Priorities In Life

Back to the story. My palms were already sweaty from nervous perspiration, even as the match had barely started. Now, I'm as cool as they come but when it comes to my allegiance to United against my most hated football club in the form of Chelsea, you gotta be a trifle nervous.

My friend, a backstabbing former United fan who's now an avid AC Milan supporter noted this.

Backstabbing United Fan: "Come on, bro! Chill out... let's drink some beer."

I declined aggressively because 1) I'm not particularly fond of beer. It has something to do with my stomach capacity. My affinity is more with spirits; and 2) There's just no telling what I'd do in that drunken state of stupor IF things didn't quite go my way during the match because I was pretty damned sure there was gonna be a lot of dissing involved and in the presence of butter knives (from the western food stalls) and beer bottles - well, let's just say it wasn't a very good idea.

The atmosphere at the coffee shop - you'll be surprised - was breathtaking. All eyes were glued on the big projector at the front.

Then in the 18th minute, all hell broke loose.

Hell, I'd almost toppled the table over when Korean Park Ji-Sung netted a goal for United. Without shame, I roared at the top of my lungs, clenched my fists in an act of defiance to my rivals and sat down, sheepishly, albeit with a look of smug satisfaction. Realizing that I'd overdone it, I proceeded to conceal my sudden burst of emotions and apparent glee by taking a sip of my Teh-C-Peng - all at a local coffee shop, mind you.

Such was the intensity of the game.

But it pretty much went downhill from then on.

A United Fan Mirroring My Image That Night

Chelsea proceeded to dominate the game (yes, I admit it), scored an equalizer (much to my ultimate chagrin) and everyone gave me shit and the game ended 1-1.

Needless to say, I felt like shit.

Oh, and it didn't stop there. Football fans are an evil lot, believe me. They totally believe that a victory gives them the right to pour salt on already mortal wounds - hence the local saying "You win, you give me shit. I win, I give you shit. The ball is round and fair is fair."

So in an act of fitting retribution from my earlier disses, another one of my friends (a hardcore Liverpool supporter) who was sitting on another table turned back, winked at me, gave me a holier-than-thou look and proceeded to toast all the non-Man United fans on my table.

I soaked it in. All the degradations. All the disses; the insults. I soaked it all in.

Such was the parts and parcels of football fanaticism.

Actually, it felt very much like last week when United lost to Liverpool when I'd received a dozen or so text messages on my mobile, sarcastically 'congratulating' me on my loss; when Old and Game Turtles (who are also self-confessed Liverpool fanatics) didn't hold back on the battering of insults.

I'd even tried to defend myself.

Ego Turtle: "It's the first time we (Man Utd) lost in seven years at Anfield! Just because you won once, that gives you the right to talk?"

Old and Game Turtles (in unison, with that irritating grin plastered on their faces): "Yes, it does!"

To which, I had no reply.

This is why it's called The Beautiful Game. It's what makes it so special in the heart of football fans. The range of emotions, the ups and downs, the exhiliration, euphoria and surprises.

It is incomparable.

As Winston Churchill once said, "A fanatic is one who won't change his mind and won't change the subject."

And I say, well said, Winston.

Chapter 3. "A slice of a gamer's life."

I would like to apologise to the readers for not posting last week as i've been busy with loads of uni work. But nevertheless i'm back, and to continue on my supposedly weekly post, "A Slice of Life. "

This weeks chapter, is about gamers. Why people play games? A form of stress relief, fun, to kill time, to spend time with their friends and etc.

Why gamers spend almost all their time playing games till the point of neglecting sleep, food or their loved ones? There are a few possible reasons for this but i'm answering this base of my perspective. Games are addictive. However, how long a gamer plays depends on the individual playing it.

There are those individuals who have self discipline when it comes to gaming and you have those that pretty much play games all day,

eat

sleep with their consolesand practically live their lives with itYes, i am a gamer. Believe it or not, i was even given the name Virtual Boy, but that name has been passed down to someone else. Why am I a hardcore gamer? It's because provides me a form of stress relief. After a hard days work, or stressful day, i would want to chill on my bed and play my ps3 games on my *aRhEM* 40'' HDTV SONY Bravia.

It's like a replacement to cigarettes, but unlike cigarettes which probably last 5 minutes per stick, games can go as long as 1 - 12 hours. It is selfish of us, i know, as we're neglecting friends and family over objects when we play our games. But of course i know my limits when it comes to gaming (only recently). In fact, we want them to be interested in games just as we are, but it's so hard to find get them to. It's so rare to find gamer girls like the one above. Every gamer dreams to have girlfriends who are just as interested in playing games. If they shared the same interest, we probably wouldn't hear the line "Stop playing games." or "Spend more time with me than playing games." If only they could understand, just like her. I'd love to push her buttons. :P

But still there's a limit to how much we can play. So where do we draw the line when its too much? Well, by the time some of us realize its too much, its probably too late.

Yes, there are cases around the world where people game to their deaths, living in cyber cafes and off instant cup noodles for 3 consecutive days. So i wonder where do these gamers go? Heaven or Hell? Well at least i can picture how hell would be like for them.

Also gaming is cheaper in a certain sense. You won't be going out clubbing, spending money on food and drinks. Also at least you won't hear anyone say, "You don't spend enough time at home." However some people spend so much money on games it's ridiculous and taking them too seriously. Thank god, i'm not one of them.... yet.

That is all i have to say in this weeks chapter of "A slice of life." where there's a little bit of you in every slice.

Stay tune to next weeks chapter, "A slice of an anime otaku's life". It's about people who spend most of their time watching anime.

Johnny Depp to play the Riddler in next Batman film

When asked by the press, "how do you top Heath ledger's performance in the next Batman instalment", Michael Caine replies, "Have Johnny depp play the riddler, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman play The Penguin. HELLL YESSSSSSSSSS!!!! This is confirmed ppl!!! CONFIRMED!!!!!

Johnny recently described the prospect of playing The Riddler as 'fun'. He said: 'I heard about that. It seems like it'd be a fun gig for a while, yeah.' Work is expected to begin on the next movie, starring Christian Bale as Batman, some time next year.

Sarawak, Land of The Proud, Land of The Crazy

You know, if there was one thing that I've never regretted - and believe me, I'm not very proud to say this, but there's really not a lot of that expression that I can really integrate truthfully when it comes down to discussing my life issues - it's being a Sarawak-ian.

First of all, there's the food.

Belacan Beehoon.

Our world-renowned Sarawak Laksa, which most foreigners would kill to have for breakfast.

Our ridiculously unhealthy at so many friggin' levels but - during consumption - utterly satisfying Kolo Mee, which can still be found at prices ranging from RM2-2.50


Pork Leg Rice or better known to the locals as Tu Ka Peng.

And then, there's the world-famous Rainforest Music Festival (RWMF), in which thousands of foreigners - from all over the world - and locals alike, flock to every year at our very own Sarawak Cultural Village.

To hear the music.

To see the culture.

To wonder how the varieties of instruments that almost look the same actually sound different.

And to generally just have a friggin' blast - Sarawakian style.

And, of course, there's the countless historical monuments - also known as the remnants of the British Occupation to the more *bitter of citizens (*if my father reads this and hears me calling him senior citizen or anything remotely close to that, there's a good chance that some form of object is gonna make its presence felt on my 23-year-old backside, so let's just keep it at bitter, yea?).

The famous Fort Margherita, as... I'm sure the picture has already pointed out. Damn.

The state museum.

The Cat Museum. OK, so it's not quite historical, but it's interesting enough to make you wonder whether it's truly Sarawakian, no? I mean, c'mon - surely no Sarawakian in his right frame of mind would've come up with such a horrendous design for an arch?

So my effin' history's not quite up there but just stay with me for a moment, gentlemen - AND ladies, which I naturally believe goes without saying, because I'd never ever cause offense to a girl, woman, the second-gender, whatever - man, I'm starting to piss a lot of people off, aren't I? :P

Anyhow, as I was concluding...

I believe I'm working towards a very, very interesting point here.

*drum rolls*

The ULTIMATE super-myth about Sarawak.

Yep.

THAT one.

The one we've been hearing for over a couple of decades (even though the majority of us have only technically been around for the most of twenty-three years, but you know what I mean).

The one that even our subordinates from West Malaysia has fallen victim to.

Hell, I can hear the Sarawakians sniggering already.

Can't say I blame you guys.

It's downright ridiculous, really.

Well, apparently, the belief is that we Sarawakians still live on trees.

Well, how about apparently-friggin-NOT? Stupid fucks.

By the way, yes - this was a spaceship that landed from out of fucking nowhere a couple of months ago and now we Sarawakians have been blessed with aliens serving us Sushi King and Starbucks just along our Simpang Tiga HIGHWAY, you dense fuck.

*exhales breath*

Now, that THAT's out of the way, how about we show the world what an average Sarawakian does during supper?

Oh, believe it.

This is Sarawak. The Land of The Proud. The Land of The Crazy. =)